lie to me___version 3.0 : red carpet blues

7/19/2007

[ Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. ]

| mood | productive
| listening to | I Need A Woman by Stash (featuring Sarah Bettens)

I'm still here. I'm doing as well as can be expected, I guess. I'm trying to take each day as it comes, but every now and then it hits me that this isn't a dream. This is how it's going to be for the rest of my life. He's not coming back, I'll never hear his voice again, that motorcycle isn't going to move from the garage unless someone else does it.

Anyway.

We're going down to Springfield today to start buying furniture for my apartment. It was officially mine as of July 6, but things have been so crazy that this is the first time I'll be down since school. Something I'm really happy for is that when my daddy came to visit me before school ended, we all went over to look at the apartment and he loved it. He said I had picked it out really well and that he knew I was going to be happy there. That makes it feel almost... blessed.

I'm ready to have a job and be in school and be 21 so I can settle down in my apartment with my piles of money and bottles of wine. Did I leave out the school part? Oh well. I'll get around to it eventually.

If there is one thing I have learned from life, it is this:

IT GOES ON.

// Meagan (10:18 AM)

6/26/2007

[ Look up. ]

| mood | empty
| listening to | silence

Friday, my daddy was fine.

Sunday they said he had leukemia.

Tuesday he died.

I don't know what to do.

// Meagan (4:00 PM)

6/10/2007

[ I leave the light on. ]

| mood | exhausted
| listening to | silence

New layout, featuring Pete Wentz. I realize I am a huge groupie and this probably classifies me as being 12 years old but I don't care. He is a fantastic writer and an interesting person. I'll meet him someday, mark my words.

Work was long and sucked bad. I'm basically done with it for a while. Which means until Tuesday, when I close. On Kids Eat Free Night! YAAAY!

I'm seeing POTC 3 tomorrow with Chuck and the family. I hope it's better than what I've heard of it. It doesn't matter if it is because it's a free movie and I won't smell like Krieger's afterwards.

Also, there is a lady duck living in a bush outside of the Krieger's restaurant. There isn't a lake or pond for miles. We don't know what this duck is doing with a nest in that bush, but she is just chilling. I really want to make a sign that says "Don't fuck with our duck" but I think that would cause a stir.

'Cause a stir'? What am I, 50 years old?

It's bedtime now.

// Meagan (3:05 AM)

5/19/2007

[ MOTHERFUCKING F O B. ]

| mood | drained but so happy
| listening to | Le Disko by Shiny Toy Guns

Last night, Pete Wentz looked right into my face and tossed me the first bass pick of the concert.

They played "Hum Hallelujah" and I cried like a baby.

My throat is raw from screaming, my shoulders are sunburnt, and my head is still pounding.

It feels like the whole thing was a dream but it wasn't.

Best. Concert. Ever.

Until fall, when they come back around.

// Meagan (1:41 PM)

5/06/2007

[ Splinter from the headboard in my eye. ]

| mood | extremely happy
| listening to | G.I.N.A.S.F.S. by Fall Out Boy

I have had the best weekend, and what's more, I didn't really even do anything.

It's crazy how life can seem so beautiful when all I've got is a bottle of Old Crow whiskey, a bootlegged copy The Office season 3, a meal of McDonald's and the one boy in the entire universe who is absolutely perfect for me.

Summer is coming and I can't wait. Everything looks so much sunnier than it did last year. I'm really, truly, genuinely happy.

Before they switch out the lights, it truly was a delight...

// Meagan (8:45 PM)

5/04/2007

[ Con te partiro - it's time to say goodbye. ]

| mood | sleepy yet satisfied
| listening to | silence

I know, I know, I suck for not updating for so long. I think I just got out of the blog-writing habit and sort of forgot this thing existed. So who knows if anyone's even reading it anymore. But I made a revelation and I wanted to share it with someone so here goes.

I was just reading my old blog Such a Pretty Waste and I was looking over entries made at this time last year. I can't believe how incredibly sad I sounded. I vaguely remember that it was a terrible time in my life but rereading the words just blows my mind. Things went from bad to worse, and I remember thinking that I wasn't going to make it through the summer.

But I did. And I've actually had a really good year. Chuck and I are closer than ever and approaching our 4 year anniversary. In July I can move into my apartment. I've done well in all my classes both semesters, I've got a Fall Out Boy concert quickly approaching, and my 21st birthday is in August! I guess the point of this post is just to say that I made it, and it's nice to know I'm stronger than I think I am.

I think I'll try to write a little more here. It's like talking to a friend I haven't seen in a long time, and God knows I have plenty of those.

// Meagan (1:30 PM)

2/07/2007

[ Best friends, ex-friends to the end. ]

| mood | sickly
| listening to | Bang the Doldrums by Fall Out Boy

So I'm sick, and I'm basically tired of telling this story but I'll tell it again because I'm still so PISSED OFF.

Friday: 12:00 pm. I get out of my bed and check my email. I have in my inbox an email from TRL Studios. It reads as such:

Hi, my name is Michael and I do casting for TOTAL REQUEST LIVE. Wanted to give you a heads that FALL OUT BOY is coming on Tuesday February 6th. We're looking for die hard fans to be able to interview the boys from the comfort of their own living room.

I decide that yes, I AM a diehard fan, and I proceed to call the number. Mike answers and is very nice. He asks for my contact info and then tells me we're going to do a webcam test in an hour. I proceed to run out and buy a webcam.

Friday: 1:45 pm. I rush home and install said webcam. Mike calls back and instructs me how to connect. I do, and voila, there are the TRL studios right before my very eyes. We do a half-hour long interview and he tells me that I'm fabulous, I'm energetic, I know my stuff, blah blah blah. Mike says that if I can be ready at 6 am then I'll be interviewing my all-time favorite band. I am understandably stoked.

Saturday - Sunday. I obsess over whether this is really happening and submit an email to Mike, like he asked, outlining my questions. I ask him if this is really happening, if everything is confirmed. I wait.

Monday: 8:30 am. I recieve an email that reads as such:

You're 100% confirmed to do the FALLOUT BOY INTERVIEW TOMMOROW. Make sure your on at 7AM tommorow EST. I'd love to also talk on the webcam today to make sure everything still works. I will be calling you in a bit.

I proceed to freak out.

Monday: 11:30 am. I get a phone call from Mike, who proceeds to pump me up about this amazing opportunity. He tells me to wear a Fall Out Boy shirt on Tuesday and says we'll be doing a test around 6:30 that evening to check the webcam. He pumps me up more, asking if I'm excited. I am.

Monday: 4:30 pm. My phone rings again. It's Mike. He says he has bad news. The segment has been cut due to time. I will NOT be interviewing Fall Out Boy. I will NOT be on TRL. I will NOT be recieving any prizes or trips. I am basically destroyed.

Tuesday: 2:30 pm. TRL runs as scheduled, sans my "100% confirmed" interview. I feel like I'm being punished.

Wednesday: 2:30 pm. Mike from TRL calls to find out how I'm feeling. I say 'okay', but I'm not. He offers, as a consolation prize, the opportunity to do your typical TRL shout-out via my webcam. I tell him I probably don't have time on Monday. This is a lie. I just don't want to do it.

Present time. I am still deeply depressed about this whole situation but I try to persevere. Mike has promised if something like this comes up again I'll be first in line to do it. He has promised t-shirts. He has promised something signed by the band. Mike does not know if Fall Out Boy is coming back to TRL anytime soon, and Mike does not have my mailing address.

Mike is a very nice man, but I don't think he's going to help me. Let's hope I'm wrong, because I haven't felt this disappointed in a very, very, very long time.

// Meagan (11:41 PM)